Nov 9, 2006


Here's the link to the "Death Clock" again. I guess I'm in a morbid mood?

For some reason, I've been thinking of death the last couple of days. Yea, it sucks. But I am going to begin to compile some stuff, on another blog, letters to my children. They'll be things I want them to know. I've pretty much told them everything and all my shits always right there. I'm a very fortunate Mom cause my kids still love me after all I put them through. Oh yea, they saw it all. It doesn't get any worse. When I first starting shooting up. I did a "Dirt Shot." It's when you've injected some kind of particle or dirt and your body says, "Oh hell no" and begins to reject it. You get the absolute worst fever, spike, freeze and shake so bad, well, I thought my teeth my shatter. My oldest son, Lee, brought every blanket in the house to cover me up, literally, every blanket and I was still cold. I really didn't deserve his unconditional love but he gave it. They all have. I am the richest woman on earth.
If I died tomorrow, I think I'd want them to know, under no uncertain terms, that I would have died for them, taken a bullet and I would have killed for them, if need be. Now, anyone can say this but I mean it with every fiber of my being.

If you knew you were going to die in one hour and you must sum it all up to all or to one, in one paragraph...what would you say???


xmichra said...

i don't think i could. mainly because the people i would really want to tell things to don't read my blog. lol...

on a serious note though, i would take that time and just hang out with Kira and Mark. Let Mark know that he is the best father anyone could have, and that Kira will never be left feeling let down, because he is such a great man. He would do right by her, and she will know that. I would record something for Kira.. something for her 16th birthday, her first period, her graduation, the frst day she ventures out of the house on her own.. and of course for the day she decided to be serious with another person.

I was thinking... i need to see if my camcorder still works. Thanks Babs... i need to know that!

Babsbitchin said...

xmichra, very nice. Life is far too short not to say what needs to be said, huh? You are more than fortunate to have a really good husband, friend and father in Mark. Give him that, tell him and put it somewhere. In the blink of an eye, in the blink of an eye!

Miranda said...

Excellent post. Good question.

I Picture doing this with them all around me at once, so they can all hear it. I'd look at each and everyone of them and say: I'm sorry you've had a rough couple of years. I love you all so much and all I wanted and want is your happiness.
-Linz keep going strong, I know you will have much success in your life, both in career and marriage. Knock that wall you've built around you, just a little bit, it's ok to let it out. Let in some sunshine and happiness.
-Kat keep going with this new positive attitude you've recently found. "jump up on the peace train" Live your life to the fullest, don't let your anger get the better of you. You are a smart, funny talent girl. One day you'll meet the man of your dreams. Be happy.
-Mom, I'm sorry I put you through so much, but know I love you too very much even though you have know idea what kind of 'hold' she has on me. She loves me, always will, always has.
-Pap, you are the greatest, I'm sorry my ex put you through the financial shit he did. I'm sorry that I know now you will find out about my g/f. Just know she's made me happier than anyone ever could.
-To my g/f, I love you with all my heart, you've stuck it out through all my fears, tears and all the other crap I've faced by everyone for the past almost 5 year. I want you all to know that I won't be far, I'll always be watching over you, for your weddings, the birth of all your children. I'll be beside you for all your pain. Just close your eyes and call me. I will be in your heart.
-Now, I just want you take a moment, hug each other, yes all of you. I love you very very much.

Miranda said...

dayum...ok that was one long ass paragraph. lol sorry

Babsbitchin said...

Miranda, this is wonderful and you should have it written down somewhere, so they can read it and re-read it in the event of your death, God forbid! But we all must realize that we are only human, mortal beings and our death in inevitable. If we embrace it and not live as if there is tomorrow as we are taught to "Live like there's no tomorrow" we may just say the most important things that can only be said by us. Does that make sense? I prefer writing things down because the memory may leave a part behind. Have you ever read something and then read it again years later and it had a more profound effect on you because you have matured? See what I mean?