Subject: [~~BITCHIN & STUFF~~] MAKING WHOOPIE OR CONTORTIONISM TORTURE
I made whoopie in every position known to man AND beast. I am, or was considered double jointed. I used to be able to put both feet behind my head which you never tell a guy you can do on the first date. After that, it's Pretzel City every frigin time. But in all due reality, even in a missionary position, after your legs are hiked up for hours, it becomes rather uncomfortable.
Now, I wanna know who really fucks and fucks and fucks for hours, uprooting trees, shrubs and flowers?
Even with my last boyfriend, I had to show him, folding my legs on my chest, which he was totally turned on by. Why do I gotta show off and act like I'm 25 still? Every single time after that he wants to put me in a human pretzel position. Oh it'd start off all fun and games, innocent fat slapping and the next thing ya know he's got me flipped over with my legs crossed over my chest in a position that takes me a day to work outa my muscles. And I sure as hell can't imagine doing that for hours, holy S & M Batman. Nope, it's official, Babs is retired as a Contortionist and if you wanna screw me, bring some fritos and dip and I'll lay there, on my back and snack while you just go to town.