Nov 30, 2006
WHISTLE A HAPPY TUNE ALL THE WAY TO WORK
THIS IS A RE-POST REQUESTED
DON'T BE ALARMED, IT'S JUST ME!!
This is from early Bitchin & Stuff re-posted for posterity!
The last time I got drunk I flashed everybody. A nice looking young man came over and said," Cool belly chain lady," which I immediately corrected him by telling him,"those are my nipple rings asshole!" I just tucked 'em back into my belt and got the hell outa there.
The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.My best friend Kim is black and always talking 'bout her shelf,her booty. I know she's just jealous cause for a white girl I really got a shelf. Hell, you can sit a six-pack, ashtray and T.V. guide on mine and it's even got a remote control holder right up the middle. Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos? I got mine in 1975 in a tat parlor in D.C., back when, nice girls didn't get tattoo's. It was a cobra wrapped around a rose. Now, after three kids it looks more like an anaconda wrapped around a dead flower.Money can't buy happiness -- but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Lexus than in a Pinto and I look better crying in an outfit I bought at Lord and Taylor's rather than K-Mart. Drinking makes some husbands see double and feel single. After I finally got single, last time I took a guy home I'd drank a little more than I shoulda. I finally went to bed at 2 with a 10 and woke up at 10 with a 2.
I finally realized...
After a certain age, if you don't wake up aching in every joint, bitchin' and moanin' you are probably dead. "And some things are better left dead."