Well, I suppose I should just shake my tail feather and let it roll off my back. Why am I having a hard time believing that anyone would have the unmitigated gall to call me a racist? People, their perception and judgment will always differ, often in double parallels .
I look in the mirror every day and question who I am, my behavior, my persona. Yes, I do tend to be extreme, often borderline psychotic, I will cop to that. I can be trashy, cheesy, blunt, rude, crude and socially unacceptable. You live my life, walk in my moccasin and tell me that you can remain unscathed. Not all of us were dealt a fair hand. Not all of us had shit handed to us, education, money and the like. What I got was served in tupperware, not a silver platter and after my husband died, my kids pretty much were served on paper plates in life, too. Some of my own shit was brought on by me, myself and I. But a good portion was not.
I happen to be under the impression that I am fairly intelligent, not genius but I can hold my own. No, I do not write with the decorum worthy of a Rhodes Scholar, nor do I try to be or write to impress the uppity, goody two-shoes crowd. I am not Politically Correct and I never will be. No, I call it like I see it. I often say what you lily livered yellow belly's are afraid to say. I do your dirty work. But guess what? I am honest about life, love, lust, laughter and learned behavior. I will say what needs to be said, while you lay there and lie to yourself.
I have arrived at a point in my life, where you can not really hurt my feelings and try to pull things out of the proverbial "Closet" because it's all here for you to see, pick apart, make judgment upon and feel better about yourself because of. I'm not beautiful, hell somebody's gotta make up the ugly pop, right? I'm not brilliant and I'm not especially outgoing, nor do I have the body of a model. At 48 years old, I was rode hard and put away wet. I felt and lived every fucking day of the last 48 years.
I can hold a conversation in any crowd and have dined with General's and Hobo's. I was able to see them both, in a respectful eye. I've been cocky to a fault but I also know what it is to be terminally humbled. I was a Heroin addict, kicked it and walked away but not without a toll. I'm still an addict, always will be. I went to Prison and I did a lot of bad things in my past. I dealt with assholes on my own proving ground. I never write checks my ass can't cash but I'm trying to be nice now, you know, play fairly, no sucker punch.
I've lived in a 21 Room Mansion and I've also had to sleep in my car. So, I know what it is to appreciate things after you've had everything taken from you. I walked out of prison with a plastic cup and spoon, that's it and that's all. Did I learn from it all? You bet your fucking ass I did. I learned, if nothing else that the answer to life is in the love and laughter. I will try not to laugh at your expense, I know how that feels. But I will do what I can, to bring a smile to my weather worn face. If you haven't figured this out yet...it's your loss. Now, stop thinking your shit doesn't stink, stop being judgmental and try putting yourself in the other persons place before you run around like you're all that, when you are so far from it, it is painful.