Dec 2, 2006


What does it all mean?
I woke at 5am this morning, fiddle farted around till 9am and decided to go back to bed. This is my first weekend off, first days off in a month, so yea, I went back to bed being a lazy fuck. Anyway, right before I laid back down, I read a post on dreaming over at Old Bitter Balls. In my comment, I stated that I rarely dream, anymore. Usually, it is when I am tired in body but not in brain that I dream. Today was one of those days.
I was driving from Virginia to New York, much like I used to, years ago. In my dream places were not where they normally are but it all made sense. I have to go through Pennsylvania to get to N.Y. and in my dream, for whatever reason, I made the choice to park my car ahead of my destination and walk through Pa. as I didn't want to be stopped by the cops. I know it does not make sense because I am legal but my psyche knows just how screwed up Pa. can be, how I watched as they bent the rules to their liking. So, I imagine that was my thinking. In this dream, I knew I'd not been to N.Y., where I used to live, Upstate in a very long time. I was walking and began to see people I knew, old connections and a lot of them were standing outside this one house. When I saw them, my first thought was to cop some heroin but I never asked. They were glad to see me but this one Hispanic chick, Lily,(Lily was just rearrested last month in real life) who called me Loca, said"Loca you've gained weight," which I have because I'm not doing heroin anymore. Then, I walked through a bar as if I was invisible, walking in one door and out another. I saw a lot of people I knew but did not matter to me. I walked in to a restaurant I was the Sous Chef here, before and there were all new people but there was still a sign on the wall,"Babs is always Bitchin." I didn't see the Executive Chef/Owner, Todd and assumed he was at the other restaurant. I kept walking and I couldn't find my car. I couldn't remember where I parked it either. I had my keys, hooked on my belt loop in good ol' dike fashion and knew that my purse and pain pills were locked in the trunk. I started walking out of town and thought to myself that I was going the wrong way. I was tired and stuck my thumb out hitchhiking. I was walking backwards, watching traffic head towards me. This little boat came cruising up to me and said come on and I followed it to the bar, close by. The boat turned into a scruffy dog and the dog went into the men's room. I waited and out came a man, tall, in his 50's with faded jeans, a jean jacket and a long gray ponytail, a bald spot but he had a crisp linen shirt on under his jean jacket and I noticed he wore polished motorcycle boots. Somehow I knew it was him, the dog and I laughed and asked if he felt better and he said yea, let's go and I followed him out the door and down the street. I knew in my mind that I had to go in the house right next to his car and pick of my 5 year old nephew, who is Autistic and I told him and he said he didn't mind. I went in and got my nephew and we followed him to his car. At first, I wasn't sure what kind of car it was. He had a hard time rolling down the window and as I watched him, I realized that I might know him and I asked. He told me that in fact he knew me from a long time ago but "I tried to get over you." I was puzzled and watched as he now pulled and tugged at this car seat that was suspended from the roof of the car. I remember thinking it was pretty nifty, hanging like that in such a small car and that my nephew would love it, right in the middle and able to see where he was going. The car had papers all over the floor and I asked what kind of car it was and he told me it was a vintage Lamborghini but in my dream the doors didn't open as a Lamborghini's do, it was weird. I was studying his worn face, looking for clues as to how I knew him? I never realized that dreamed in color but it was and I did and the car was red and I stated that his car was the same color as mine. He said, Yea, I know and he gave me this look like a sharks eyes, right before they roll over in attack, a dull, lifeless look. I remember being a bit concerned and feeling for my gun in the small of my back, where I always kept one in the summer months. Then...I fucking woke up for no good reason and the dream was over. Too weird. I wanted to play this out, damn!


Lynn said...

This is a very interesting dream. The thing that jumps out at me is that your old drug-using friends noticed a difference in you and you walked in and right through the bar. I think maybe this is good.

I fell asleep after dinner last night and dreamed of the sadistic ex. I dreamed of him all last night as well. I'm beginning to wonder if I will ever really be rid of the sorry son of bitch. I'd like to smash his head in for all the trouble he's caused. Don't worry, I wouldn't. Besides, he's nowhere around. I AM getting sick of this, though.

Old Knudsen said...

Your good sense knows that you should stay clean but there is that part of you that remembers the good times, nothing good can come of an old guy with a ponytail thats just sad. I saw the Britney twat shots and Why did you lead me here? she is a minger of the first order, of course I still have to look.

Babsbitchin said...

Lynn, I never thought of it that way but you're right. Concerning yourself, read the post on my Chronicles blog, it may be helpful, it was for me!

Babsbitchin said...

old knudsen, You also are right and it may be a forboding of things to come, a glance at the future. Sorry about the pics, it was shock value. It's like a car accident, you don't want to look but you are compelled. So was I.

RICH said...

hmmm could it be "Racer "X" ? you know... Speed Racers long lost brother.

AZCG said...

I can count my pleasant dreams on one hand (from birth to current), but my nightmares are prolific! Since childhood all my nightmares have been in full color, with sound, and when appropriate, aroma.

A recurring dream I had as a child was animals chasing me and ripping off my calves as I ran. Sometimes it was wolves or dogs, African lions, or a combination of big cats. They never killed me they just chased me as ripped off chunks of my legs. I also had dreams where I could fly, but only six feet off the ground, so anyone who wanted to could grab my ankles and drag me to the ground. Then as a teenager I started having dreams about having a baby, and when the doctor would hold the baby up it would smile, not a cute baby smile, but an evil sneering smile with a mouth full of teeth.
Sprinkled here and there were my kill dreams where I would beat a child to death with a bottle or some other blunt object. Oh yeah, then there were the grim reaper dreams -- it always seemed that I was awake when all of a sudden my bed would start moving as if someone grabbed a bedpost and was swinging my bed from side to side. As soon as I felt my bed move and shadowy figure would appear dressed in a black hooded shroud and he would sit at the foot of my bed, he never spoke he never threatened me, he just made his presence known and then he would float away. There were also the falling off a cliff dream, where I never hit bottom, I just kept falling until I woke up in a sweat. I also have the gun fails to fire dream, that's always upsetting because the thing that you always thought would protect you fails when you need it most. I never lost any sleep over my nightmares, it was like going to a scary movie every night. I finally grew out of the nightmares, I rarely dream now! Thank goodness!

Babsbitchin said...

Rich, oh shit, you are that old. I forgot all about that. Come home after school and Speed Racer'd be on.
Remember Josie and the Pussycats?

Babsbitchin said...

AZCG, as I read your comment, I began to recal some of my past dreams. Snakes were always snapping at me and I'd grown accustomed to it and knew I had to be faster and catch them by the head just so. I also could fly but would often have a hard time staying up. It's weird how our psyche works. I'm glad you out grew those dreams, they sound pretty rough.
Are you ready for Christmas?