Jan 17, 2007

Hair Scrunchies; Wear Them That's an Order

Here's a big bad Bitchslap for you fashionista's. You're a sick bunch of wanking fucks. I am not fashionable nor do I follow what fashion dictates. Yes, I march to my own drummer pretty much and every gay man cringes when I walk by. My own son, who is a Sgt. with the Fashion Police, has sited me. I was walking to work with a chef coat, hounds tooth pants, my leather motorcycle jacket and my brand new Donna Karin pocketbook(Notice I said pocketbook? Yes, I am that fucking old and I say icebox sometimes, too). I heard screeching tires and a whole fucking jump out squad (if you know anything about cops and their antics, as I do, you know what a jump out squad is), I heard the thump of running and next thing I was up against the wall, you redneck muther, maced and cuffed...by my own son, Lee. He hit me, numerous times with his glitter night club. He beat the fuck outa me and sent me on my way with a citation and a heavy warning to never wear that shit in public again. But he's about 300 miles away and I'm wearing steel toed boots and sweat pants, just to be deviant. I also have, in my hair, one of my favorite keepsakes, from my sabbatical, as I like ot call it; My stint in prison (tired of my prison shit yet? I am.). I made, and was given my most valued gift in prison; hair scrunchies. I have a thick purple one, a gift from a lifer (that means doing a life sentence) my first one, which I just adore. My others were given to me by a chick doing 10 to 20 for killing her boyfriend in a rage. She fucked his ass up with a knife. He'd been beating her on a regular basis but she never reported it and when she snapped, she had no defense.
My sister says no one wears scrunchies, they are out of style...I do!

16 comments:

Webmiztris said...

a couple of years ago I crocheted a fuckton of scrunchies! but then I stopped because I realized nobody wants to buy scrunchies....lol

Babsbitchin said...

webmiztris, Do you wear them? My sister who will allow her feet to kill her rather than wear flat heels, you know that Manhattan crowd/Exec. says that nobody is wearing them. Why not? They are functional and if you want you can crochet, as you did, in many colors and styles. I hate fashion bullshit. I'm all about function now.

MJ said...

Multi-purpose.

Doubles as a cock ring.

Miranda said...

LMAO...funny you should mention scrunchies. Kat got a few from her friend (that she's planning to move out with, hopefully soon. lol) They are actually not for the hair, but the bedroom door knob. Each color representing something, they even had writing on it, one said moody, the other said pmsing. Then there was a red sequened one for if they are having a sleep over.I of course, as a mother, didnt really need to know what the red one was for. lol

Babsbitchin said...

MJ, I like to call it, the Ballerina cock-ring, myself. Now, I was with a guy who was so big, biggest I've ever seen and he had to use a cock ring. He'd rip mine right outa my hair, huge turn on and use it. But you didn't need to hear all that, did ya, lol!?

Babsbitchin said...

Miranda, well I imagine the hotels should start using this system right away. Yes, they should. Red...sleepover, meaning not a slumber party, eh? hahaha!!

Old Knudsen said...

I will wear mine with pride.

Reluctant Nomad said...

I only wear mine on special occasions.

Babsbitchin said...

Old knudsen, you need one and thank you for standing beside us...smarty britches!

Babsbitchin said...

Nomad, should I make you some? You could wear them to Prik or the Cockring. I am so jealous. You must know, I gravitate to the seedy side of life?

Jagd Kunst said...

From what I gather from google earth, long island is alot bigger than Manhattan. Surely if you got everyone in your hometown to wear scrunchies you could overpower the staus quo?

Babsbitchin said...

jagd kunst, if I want their opinion, I'll beat it outa them, lol! I wear mine to work, I don't give a fuck anyway. But I guess those NYC folks are all uppity and the Long Island crew follows suit as they all commute from here. They need to get real. Watch, they'll catch on and tell me I'm retro again, as they always do. I'm not retro, our little secret, I'm still stuck in the 70's. It was better days and better lays, oh yea baby! hahahaha!

starlet said...

I thought scrunchies were a mere misdemeanor of fashion. But who cares anyway I see Britney wear them all the fucking time.

Jagd Kunst said...

Britney can get fucked. I could dress a coathanger, put it in a shop window and call it art and it'd still have more taste than her.

Babsbitchin said...

Starlet, Britney wears them, huh? I have mixed emotions on that. I bet she didn't get hers from a lifer though.Or a chick that brutally stabbed the dog shit outa her ol' man Hers can not be as cool as mine. Tell me I'm not lying, huh! She might be mad at me anyway, since I put her crotch pics on my blog. hahahaha!

Babsbitchin said...

jagd kunst, I take it, ya got a bad taste in yer mouth over Britney, eh? She has been a hog at times or of late. I'll tell ya, I do believe you're right. The fashion police need to pull a Rodney King on her ass. Then we'll see if Paris hangs out with her then, huh? That'd be some funny shit dude!