I tried to download City on Fire but was unable to. I thank
Jagd Kunst for the suggestion and I will keep trying to see the movie.
Ophelia Mourne suggested a movie, "Requiem For A Dream."
Last night I watched it. Was that a fucked up movie or what? I liked it a lot and it did conjure up quite a bit of feeling, some rather unpleasant. It snaps, doesn't it? If you'd like just a realistic glimpse into addictions, powerful grip, watch this movie. The emotions that were behind it, felt real. Of course, some of it was played upon but you got the jist of the jest. It is worth watching, is entertaining and is in your face. The ass 2 ass scene, had me squenching up my cheeks, OMG! Watch it!I often need to be reminded why I quit Heroin, as I tend to be too forgiving at times. Nope, I think I do need to be reminded that I was not a jilted lover by it, Mr.Heroin but almost a casualty of an unquenchable addiction.
I could relate on many levels; desperation, insanity and what are you willing to do to feed the dragon? I chased that Dragon like a medieval knight and my ass could feel the flames licking it. Singed, I walked away, well I was actually carted away and incarcerated, a mixed blessing, right? Talk about destiny, I was so dope sick and knew I could make it right, if I did what he wanted. He was the head of the little crime family, "GF" was an old, Hispanic man. Not much to look upon, he was always gracious to me and let me know of his, "fascination and infatuation," as he touched his heart as he tried to explain. I was with Sonny and of course did not tell anyone what he was saying to me when I was sent to cop. I thanked him and pointed out, best I could in my own broken Spanish, that I was with someone.
The day arrived when I couldn't work my magic. Our car was broken down and the part was more than we could afford to get on that day, it would have to wait till the end of the week. My habit could not wait and I started the old familiar jones, that good ol' nose running and occasional stomach cramp. It was not bad yet but I knew all too well what being dope sick was all about. I had to do something before it got like that. I talked myself up and found a million and one reasons to leave my husband. I was talking myself into going to see the "Old man" and I would do what it took. I've never been a gold digger, wished I could and have been quite jealous as I've watched women work men to acquire what they wanted, Prostitution without the dirty title, huh? I was gonna leave my husband that day for the comfort of always having heroin when I wanted it.
I did my best to look appealing, fixed my hair and makeup, packed a few things in my large, shoplifting capable purse and snuck out the door. I walked across town. He lived at the top of a steep hill and I thought I would die on my ascent, cramps, reminding me, taunting me. I finally arrived and went in and spoke with GF's son. I don't remember exactly how I approached the subject without seeming like I was there for one thing. I think I asked if he would front me a bag till the end of the day and offered my diamond ring as collateral. I looked around for his Father and asked, as if concerned, how his Father, GF was? He got a puzzled look on his face, "you didn't hear, yet?" He went on to tell me that the day before, his Father had been tipped off that he was on a most wanted list, with RICO charges at the top of the list. He'd gone into hiding and of course he was not going to tell me where he was. "I don't trust my wife, she does not know where he is, " I think he told me to point out that he was not implying that I was not to be trusted, alone. Just the day before, he'd left, just the day before, repeated in my head over and over, as I shot the dope into my veins and felt the slight tingle, warming effect of some half decent shit.
I do not believe in luck, coincidence or magic, now, but I did then and felt it was quite the coincidence that he'd left only the day before. I was actually pissed that I'd waited so long to go there and make myself available. I love to live on the edge and would've just loved to live on the lamb with money and dope to fuel and spark my run.
I call it Destiny.