Jan 13, 2007


I tried to download City on Fire but was unable to. I thank
Jagd Kunst for the suggestion and I will keep trying to see the movie.

Ophelia Mourne suggested a movie, "Requiem For A Dream."
Last night I watched it. Was that a fucked up movie or what? I liked it a lot and it did conjure up quite a bit of feeling, some rather unpleasant. It snaps, doesn't it? If you'd like just a realistic glimpse into addictions, powerful grip, watch this movie. The emotions that were behind it, felt real. Of course, some of it was played upon but you got the jist of the jest. It is worth watching, is entertaining and is in your face. The ass 2 ass scene, had me squenching up my cheeks, OMG! Watch it!
I often need to be reminded why I quit Heroin, as I tend to be too forgiving at times. Nope, I think I do need to be reminded that I was not a jilted lover by it, Mr.Heroin but almost a casualty of an unquenchable addiction.
I could relate on many levels; desperation, insanity and what are you willing to do to feed the dragon? I chased that Dragon like a medieval knight and my ass could feel the flames licking it. Singed, I walked away, well I was actually carted away and incarcerated, a mixed blessing, right? Talk about destiny, I was so dope sick and knew I could make it right, if I did what he wanted. He was the head of the little crime family, "GF" was an old, Hispanic man. Not much to look upon, he was always gracious to me and let me know of his, "fascination and infatuation," as he touched his heart as he tried to explain. I was with Sonny and of course did not tell anyone what he was saying to me when I was sent to cop. I thanked him and pointed out, best I could in my own broken Spanish, that I was with someone.
The day arrived when I couldn't work my magic. Our car was broken down and the part was more than we could afford to get on that day, it would have to wait till the end of the week. My habit could not wait and I started the old familiar jones, that good ol' nose running and occasional stomach cramp. It was not bad yet but I knew all too well what being dope sick was all about. I had to do something before it got like that. I talked myself up and found a million and one reasons to leave my husband. I was talking myself into going to see the "Old man" and I would do what it took. I've never been a gold digger, wished I could and have been quite jealous as I've watched women work men to acquire what they wanted, Prostitution without the dirty title, huh? I was gonna leave my husband that day for the comfort of always having heroin when I wanted it.
I did my best to look appealing, fixed my hair and makeup, packed a few things in my large, shoplifting capable purse and snuck out the door. I walked across town. He lived at the top of a steep hill and I thought I would die on my ascent, cramps, reminding me, taunting me. I finally arrived and went in and spoke with GF's son. I don't remember exactly how I approached the subject without seeming like I was there for one thing. I think I asked if he would front me a bag till the end of the day and offered my diamond ring as collateral. I looked around for his Father and asked, as if concerned, how his Father, GF was? He got a puzzled look on his face, "you didn't hear, yet?" He went on to tell me that the day before, his Father had been tipped off that he was on a most wanted list, with RICO charges at the top of the list. He'd gone into hiding and of course he was not going to tell me where he was. "I don't trust my wife, she does not know where he is, " I think he told me to point out that he was not implying that I was not to be trusted, alone. Just the day before, he'd left, just the day before, repeated in my head over and over, as I shot the dope into my veins and felt the slight tingle, warming effect of some half decent shit.
I do not believe in luck, coincidence or magic, now, but I did then and felt it was quite the coincidence that he'd left only the day before. I was actually pissed that I'd waited so long to go there and make myself available. I love to live on the edge and would've just loved to live on the lamb with money and dope to fuel and spark my run.
I call it Destiny.


.Ophelia. said...

now I remember. I suggested it but knew it might kinda remind you of that. BUT its a movie to learn from. Everytime I watch I cry, and I do it on purpose. Because if hearts and flowers dont make me feel, ass to ass is gonna make me nasious, his poor mother, she was so desperate and you didnt want to see that comming. Gah I get teary eyed. Just some regular kids.
I haven't gotten around to buying the book.
Im glad you got to watch it. I'll admit I kinda wanna see the notebook and brokeback. Maybe the latter because of all the hype. And the first because it was based on a book. And Im a sucker for htose books ;o)

JerseyTjej said...

I never saw this movie but I will keep an eye out for it. I was always too materialistic a girl to be able to spend monéy for drugs or booze! I was a fashionista from juniior high and my addiction was Izod and plaid preppy stuff. Now that I am wiser and older and don't feel the need to impress people, I just stay home and get drunk. Happy New Year!!!

Karen Mojo said...


Yes I am still alive and just popped by to say hello.
Sorry my comment has nothing related to your posting. My life is now good - 8 months on I have bought a new crib, kissed a few frogs and lived life to the full. I got the words " We create our own destiny" tattooed on my back the day my Divorce came thru and been striding forward ever since. I promise not to be a stranger for so long again.
Take Care.

Old Knudsen said...

I tried to comment yesterday but I was refused. I would put forward 'true romance' Tarentino had something to do with it but apart from that its fine, also 'romeo is bleeding' , I saw 'man on fire' recently, these are good knock about films with some blood I think you should like them, don't blame me if you don't I'm old so what do I know?

Jagd Kunst said...

If there's one thing that dissappoints me in a film then that's it, I don't like the whole thing. That bit where his arm is infected and he's still trying to shoot into it? Not even the biggest idiot would waste their junk like that. But I suppose it wouldn't have been as funny if he knew there were veins between his toes he could use, or the one in his dick.

Babsbitchin said...

ophelia, Yes, it was an unpleasant reminder but a good movie I needed to see. I love that smack in the face sometimes. I usually respond best to raw shit anyway. That ass to ass shit smacks of reality, it really does and it actually can make me angry. I didn't mention that part but I felt for her and many women, trapped in what they think is a situation with no choices. Little do we know, there is not one single instance where we do not have choices. We just don't realize it at the time, more often than not.
Yes, do me a favor and watch the Notebook, especially with hubby, ok?

Babsbitchin said...

jerseytjej, girl it's good to have ya back and I hope you're well. It is an entertaining movie, that's for sure. I wish to hell I'd been more materialistic, if that's what it takes, ya know? I'm drinking one with your name on it tonight, it's been a rough one, damn!

Babsbitchin said...

Happy New Year to you too! Damn, it's so very good to hear from you. I swear I was just thinking about you and wondering how you were. Now, that I have link to your email, at least, I can send you this MoJo pic I found. I'm really glad to hear you're well and things are working out. I knew they would but when you're going through that sort of thing, you often have to find your own way out, such it was with you. But you see, I knew you'd be fine. Now, don't you be a stranger, please and I mean that. Damn I'm happy now!

Babsbitchin said...

Old Knudsen, True Romance, eh? I'll check it out for sure. Yes, I do love the blood and guts and war movies. Remember "She Wore a Yellow Ribbon" or any of the John Wayne Maureen O'Hara movies? I love that stuff, too. BTW, you think young but mature and wise, so I trust your judgment.

Babsbitchin said...

jagd kunst, you do have a good point although I hate to say it but I've shot into a scab which could've made an abscess, like an idiot. But even I had the sense to try a different spot. I blew out the vein in my right arm and couldn't get one in my left, so I moved on to my hands and so on. It was a scab in my hand that always delivered. I understand his mentality, although it's completely retarded. When you get like that, you quite caring, I think. I was close but not like that. You have to question your sanity at that point, ya know. Pure stupidity. I saw a dude shoot in his eye, now that's really fucked.

Snooze said...

Oh the ass-to-ass scene made me bawl. It enraged me so much to see all the business men gathered around. Wow. Reading this post brought back the power of that movie. I'm going to have to rent it again.

Babsbitchin said...

snooze, yes, I can relate. I can also allow myself to be enraged at how people behave and prey upon the meek, the weak and the lot. I won't get started on that but needless to say, I feel ya on that. It was actually an emotional roller coaster type movie, at least for me.