Apr 2, 2007

The Sick Note

I was reminded of this old memory, just the other day. My youngest son, Wam, had stayed home from school. He said he was sick and had diarrhea. Now, out of my three sons, Wam complained the least. I look back now and realize that I raised 3 of the best Con Artists known to man.
If a child says they're sick with something like diarrhea, how do you not believe them and send them off to school. I think they knew this and played me like a finely tuned Violin. Then, I started noticing a correlation, well how things would go down.
Around 3PM, I would be asked if they could watch Cartoons. The rule around my house was simple: If you stayed home from school, you stayed in bed, short of bathroom privilege and you did not get to watch T.V. I figured this would make it real boring, if they really were faking it.
Cartoons have an ability to heal the sick and raise the dead, I see this now. The Catholic Church should use it in their Sunday Services, as well as Hospitals.
But in the event that I was being scammed, I thought I'd make Wam think before he ever pulled a boner on me again. You have to send a note to school, an "Absence Excuse," right? This is what I wrote;

Dear Mrs. Boccio,
Please excuse Waylon for his absence yesterday. He had the shits and his ass became raw and smelly. He was however, healed at 3pm by his favorite Cartoons. It is a true miracle!

Thanks You,

Mrs. B.J. Moore

I handed Wam the note and lunch money as he was walking out the door. I watched, without him knowing, as he put the money in his pocket. As he walked down the long hill, from where we lived at the top, he began to open and read the note. He stopped dead in his tracks and began to turn, rushing to get back home. I ran to my chair and lazily sipped my coffee. He was out of breath when he walked in the door. I looked at him, his brow squinched up in question. "Mom, what the hell?" He handed me the note and said, "I can't take this to school, are ya kidding me?" I kept a straight face as I asked him, "What's wrong with it?" He walked up to me, took the note back out of my hand and read from it..."his ass became raw and smelly? He had the shits? Ma are ya kidding me, ya can't send that to school like that.Thank God I read it"
I handed him the real absence excuse,already prepared, smiled and said, "Don't ever try to play me nigga." Mama knows!


Miranda said...

OMFG...that is hillarious. Im so glad that you weren't my mom.

~Babsbitchin~ said...

Miranda, yes be very glad. But they did get over quite a bit. It's years later now and I'm just finding out all the dirty shit they did behind my back and to each other. I found out not long ago that my oldest hit the youngest in the head with a hammer. That explains it all, lol!

CanadianSwiss said...

I think that was very cool. Good that you knew him well enough to know he'd read it first. LOL

~Babsbitchin~ said...

CS, I stood at the door, peering around, behind the bush. If he'd gotten much further, I would've stopped him. I'd seen him always look at the notes and I was counting on it, that lil' shit, lol!

.Ophelia. said...

hahahahaha man if I have to look forward to shinanagins like this I need to be more creative!

~Babsbitchin~ said...

Ophelia,all the shit they put me through, damn, I had to fight back somehow, ya know?

.Ophelia. said...

amen to that hunni!

~Babsbitchin~ said...

Ophelia, I'm gonna live long enough to shit on their couch, like they did mine, when company were over. Oh Yea!!!