May 30, 2007

Bad Boys Whatch Gonna Do When They Laugh At You???

These are your usual Cop Cliches. See, most cops are just nice guys, huh?

See police officers have a sense of humor too....

These 16 police comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country:

#16 "You know, stop lights don't come any redder that the one you just went through."

#15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while." (This was used on me and that they were the latest fashion, assholes)

# 14 "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

#13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

#12 "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."

#11 "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"

#10 "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"

#9 "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

#8 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

#7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."

#6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

#5 "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

#4 "How big were those 'Just two beers' you say you had?"

#3 "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."

#2 "I'm glad to hear that Chief (of Police) Hawker is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."

AND THE WINNER IS....

#1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't.
Sign here."



Did you know...that in every jail, I've ever been in, they always watch the show, "Cops." Why is that? Do you think it's because they'd rather see another dumbass in trouble other than themselves? Just asking...

2 comments:

Jonathan said...

My brother was a cop, and he had some doozies to tell. I got him a t-shirt for Christmas one year with "Things Not to Say to a Cop". I don't recall them all, but one was definitely my favorite:

"Gee, officer, your eyes look glazed. Have you been eating donuts?"

Miz UV said...

Those are funny and so is Jonathan's!