Aug 7, 2007

Now Ain't That Funny?

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, “Please come over here and help me.

I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to get
started.”

Her boyfriend asks, “What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?”

The blonde says, “According to the picture on the box, it’s a rooster.”

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in
and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He
studies
the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,
“First of all, no matter what we do, we’re not going to be able to assemble
these pieces into anything resembling a rooster.”

He takes her hand and says, “Second, I want you to relax. Let’s have a
nice
cup of tea, and then ..” he said with a deep sigh,
“Let’s put all these Corn Flakes back in the box.


100 Bucks for Sex


Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office...
but she belonged to someone else...


One day Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said, "I'll
give you a $100 if you let me have sex with you..."
but the girl said, "NO."


Johnny said, "I'll be fast, I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend
down, and I'll be finished by the time you pick it up."


She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her
boyfriend...
so she called her boyfriend and told him the story.


Her boyfriend says ask him for $200 then pick up
the money very fast...
he won't even be able to get his pants down.


She agrees and accepts the proposal.


Half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to
call. Finally after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls and asks what
happened...She said, "The bastard used quarters!"


Management Lesson: Always consider a business proposal in it's entirety
before agreeing to it, and getting screwed
~~~~~~~~~

Poor Bubba

Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best friends, Daryl and Gomer. The three men had always done everything together. Daryl arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet, Daryl said, "Yup, his face is burnt up pretty bad. You better roll him over." The mortician rolled him over, and Daryl said, "Nope, ain't Bubba." The mortician thought that was rather strange. Then he brought Gomer in to identify the body. Gomer took a look at the body and said, "Yup, he's pretty well burnt up. Roll him over." The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, "No, it ain't Bubba." The mortician asked, "How can you tell?" Gomer said, "Well, Bubba had two assholes." "What? He had two assholes?!" said the mortician. "Yup, everyone knew he had two assholes. Every time we went to town, folks would say, 'Here comes Bubba with them two assholes.'"

4 comments:

Miz UV said...

I especially loved the second one!

DirtyBitchSociety said...

Miz UV, can you tell I'm not real motivated? I guess I need to have sex, lol! It might get my mojo back.

Xmichra said...

lol.. i liked all three :)

but that second one had a life lesson, which is always valuable. hehe.

Babs Bitchin said...

Xmichra, yes, life's lil lessons. I have a shit load in my dossier'. This blog, poor thing, I'm reduced to posting jokes. Damn!