Apr 1, 2009
Running with Hedge Clippers
Editor's Note; This is from my old blog Bitchin & Stuff.
I've left this post as is, foul language and all, just a little warning. To sum it up, my life that is, I'd say... I'm running with just sharpened hedge clippers...in circles... Round-n-Round. Wow, have I come a long way in some respects and in others, I really suck. I am in semi-retirement thus the only people I tend to "Manage" these days are my grandkids. Those defiant lil buggers.
My last position/job before this semi-retirement gig was GM for a major million dollar Corporation in Pittsburgh. I made the owner some big bucks, he even told me so himself, the only credit he really ever gave me. But I allowed my pride to get in the way of wisdom. The owner knew I was on Parole and he used it against me. He also, I'd say, treated me like shit because I was a woman. Hell, he didn't respect his own wife, how could I ever presume him to respect me.
I learned an awful lot from that position. I learned the hard way that life is not always fair and quite often, people skate, especially those with money (often undeserved money) where they should've been punished. I learned that lesson before I ever even applied for that position when I stopped skating, myself and went to Prison.
I must admit, I learned a lot from my own employees, especially my own crew. They worked diligently with me, side by side, I miss it, miss them. These were some of the brightest students from around the world. The vast majority were enrolled at either the University of Pittsburgh, Carnegie Mellon University or Chatam University and worked mostly part-time for me.
They all went on to bigger and better things such as Reggie's Internships through American University. Some went on to study abroad, one in Puru, one in Honduras. My Darling, Kitten/Nicole went on to teach ESL abroad, and Andy took off to work/walk the Appalachian Trail. And the list goes on...
I know all this because they either stayed in touch or I'd been listed as a referral/past employer/boss on their Resume's. I only lost touch with them when I fell off the face of the earth(due to illness, lol, mostly mental) in September of last year and I moved.
I'd like to think that I helped round them into the positive people they are and became. I'd also like to think that I had an impact on their lives. For some, it was their first real job. I fondly believe that I played a key part in molding and shaping their excellent work ethic, exhibited daily.
You bet, I could be a taskmaster and I expected nothing less than the very best. But I never asked them to do anything that I was not willing to do or had done. This made all the difference and I was damn proud of them all, still am.
I truly hated my job while I was working but not a day goes by that now, I don't miss it. Imagine that??? Bitch, Bitch, Bitch is what I did until I talked myself out of the job. I quit that position the very day that my Parole was up. Why? Because I could where as you just can't quit your job because you get a hair up your ass while on Parole.
You know the old saying, "The grass is always greener on the other side?" Well, let me tell you why; "It's only greener because there's a Septic Tank!" Yes, you may quote me on that.
Anyway, I thought this was funny so I re-posted it. I must admit though, I have certainly become a walking contradiction. In reference to the #13 on the list below, I personally agreed to take my nose ring out in order to please my boss upon my hire for the above mentioned job. I shoulda known better, huh???
From Wednesday, March 08, 2006 I was born laughing, thus I want everybody else to.
This is part an article that was on MSN today about Hiring and Industry. I, of course, have to add my 2 cents.
While what you wear to work depends on your industry, company, geographic region and the activities you have planned for the day, most image consultants and corporate executives agree that there are basic standards everyone should follow. Here are 15 things that are never a good idea:
1. Underwear as outerwear. Camisoles or visible bra straps and lingerie scream "eek!" not "chic!" ~I agree. Any bitch that walks in and looks better than me in lingerie ain't gettin' hired.
2. Workout gear. Save your muscle shirts and spandex for the gym.
~I disagree. If he's cute and muscular and I can see his package through his spandex, well, it's a tell tale sign he's equiped for the job.
3. Soiled, stained or rumpled clothing. Neatness counts. Better to wear less expensive clothing that is immaculately cleaned and pressed than to sport designer grunge.
~ I agree. I sure as hell don't want to hire you if you didn't have the courtesy to change your clothes after that last party. You woke up and came to the interview with me and now your openly mocking the fact that I wasn't at your fucking party. Go to hell, next time you'll think before you forget to invite me, won't you!
4. Shorts. Whether of the Bermuda or Daisy Duke variety, wearing shorts to work is just plain wrong.
~I agree. Especially if you're one of those sleazy bitches with your ass cheeks hanging out or your thongs visible at the top of your low cut shorts. I get really homicidal and want to take your thong and wrap it around your show off throat. When your ass sags and your tits droop like mine you'll understand. Bermuda shorts, shit, unless you've got really cute hairy legs and the rest of the body to go with it. You're best bet, at least for me to hire you, is to wear just a jock strap underneath a nice London Fog coat and accidentally allow it to open slightly.
5. Tattoos. Celebrities like Angelina Jolie have made tattoos seem almost mainstream, but many people are still put off by them. Best to keep yours under wraps or disguised with a heavy spray-on makeup made expressly to conceal tattoos.
~I disagree. If you have tattoo's why would you wanna work at a place that you had to spray-on makeup? Tattoo's tell a story, tell who you are, where you've been, where you wanna be. I'll hire you if you show me your tattoo and give me a good story why you got it. Angelina Jolie gave tattoo's a bad rap and I'd like to fatten her lip a little more. Who gives a shit about her?
6. Extreme hair color. Natural looking highlights are fine, but never dye your hair blue, magenta or other colors not found in nature.
~Some of the most creative people have extreme color in their hair. It's a statement and it says,
"I'm not a perfect person but I'm sure as hell colorful and creative enough to not be a plain asshole corporate ass suck as yourself." Once again...don't judge the book by the cover cause there's probably a real good, inventive, imaginitive and creative story here.
7. Too much cologne. A strong scent is a turnoff to most people. Best to forgo fragrance and opt for the clean smell of soap.
~ I agree. There's absolutely no reason to bathe in your cologne. Are you trying to hide some funk? And the women who wear perfume, "their signature," that's all fine and dandy you cheap whore but I don't want to taste your signature or smell it a half hour after you've left the room. Then there's always the ones who do buy a bottle of nice perfume and cologne. Then they wear the shit everyday, fogging up my world and breathing space. Keep it for the evening and at a minimum. And remember the old adage i taught my boys a long time ago: If it smells like cologne, leave it alone. If it smells like fish eat all you wish, it's a nice dish.
8. Long, fake or wild-colored nails. Keep your nails short and neat. Avoid nail decals, black polish or "Elvira" length nails.
~I agree. First of all, I don't know how sanitary you are but I know in the food business or life in general, really long fingernails mean hiding dirt, germs and yuk. But more importantly, how dare they bad mouth, "Elvira." She was my only idol growing up and I wanted to spin my pasty tassels with the expertise she was able to demonstrate. Let's see their corporate wanna be wall street ass do that! And if you wear black nail polish, you don't wanna work at their stinkin' place anyway!
9. Grungy beards. In general, most companies prefer clean-shaven men to, say, ZZ Top. If you just can't part with your facial hair, at least keep it neatly trimmed. (And for gosh-sakes check in the mirror after eating that powder-sugared doughnut!)
~I agree. I like a rugged man with a beard and many gay men I know love that," dick target," I've heard it called. If you're a ZZ Top kinda guy, you're not applying for a job at some posh, upper crust office anyway. No, you're probably an ex-husband of mine and you're too busy riding your motorcycle, selling drugs, stock piling guns and stealing bikes and you don't need a job.
10. Micro-miniskirts. Make sure there is no more than three or four inches between knee and hem. You want to be able to sit without giving a peep show.
~I disagree. Well, I happen to like a peep show. I'm an ol' spanner. But I don't want to see the junk in your trunk at work. Ask for my phone number and I'll call you after work. See, I can be reasonable.
11. Overly revealing attire. Too little is too much. Breasts, back and arms should be covered. Avoid overly snug fits by making sure there is at least one inch of room between body and fabric.
~I agree. If you've got it flaunt it, won't cut it, if you want me to hire you.But I don't think you have to dress like an amish woman to get a job either. Now, if you're a real plus size gal, well, I really don't want to be distracted by counting your rolls either. Wear something that enhances your figure like a moomoo, not really. But wear something not form fitting or hugging.
12. Athletic socks with street shoes. Men, the devil's in the details. People notice these things!
~I agree. You should be reemed for this and I have a few friends who'd volunteer for the mission. W/O KY.
13. Body piercings. Studies show that most people view body jewelry as unprofessional and that people with multiple piercings are less likely to be hired or promoted.
~I disagree. If you judge a person by their piercings, you're a pious, frustrated, judgemental, never lived asshole who is the type who of person that is probably someone I'd never again work for. My boss in Pittsburgh made me take out my nose ring," Because I was the Manager of Wholesale/Retail and an example of our store. You represent us." And he's a fine example of a loser anyway.He cheats, steals, adds to their billing extra and sends them stale stuff. He is sending Hilton Hotel the Bagels left over from the end of the day. Hilton, can you believe that stupidity? He has never lived, never loved, never leapt into the unknown.(I guess "leapt" isn't a word?)
14. Bare midriff. Make sure there is at least one-inch of room between body and fabric and that your shirt it is long enough to conceal your midriff. Let your clothes show off your good taste -- not your six-pack abs.
~If it's a chick, I'm jealous so I won't hire you. If it's a guy, you must show me that part just below your belly button that has that cut on each side of your hips. Then, I'll hire you and...
15. Low-rise pants. "Plumber's crack" is not acceptable anywhere. Period.
~I agree. But what is this bitch doing to see this shit? asking them to get on all fours and bark like a fucking dog?
Finally, as a rule of thumb: If you have any doubt whether something you have on is appropriate -- go back and change.
~I agree that this is the dumbest whore who ever put a on a strap-on and pretended to be a hiring genius. She must have ADD and can't concentrate on the merit or resume of the individual. I'd be willing to bet money, she's a fat old hog, who isn't married and owns 20 cats, never gave a blow job and if she did, she didn't swallow.
In conclusion; if you're trying to get a snappy job in corporate America, take her advice. But if you're not...paint your nails black, get a Prince Albert, spike your hair and color it Magenta. Then, I want you to live, love, learn and laugh!!!