Sep 28, 2009

The Middle Wife


When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.

She holds up a snapshot of an infant. 'This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday.'

'First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.'

She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.

'Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!' Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. 'She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' (Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)

'My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this.' (Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.)

'And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!' (This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much!)

'Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe. They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom's play-center, (placenta) so there must be a lot of toys inside there. When he got out, the middle wife spanked him for crawling up in there.'

Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest.. Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another 'Middle Wife' comes along.

Now you have two choices...laugh and close this page or pass this along to someone else to spread the laughs.. I know what I did!!!

Live every day as if it is your LAST chance to make someone happy!



Sayin' It Like It Is and Keeping It Real Since 1959

8 comments:

Xmichra said...

lol.. that would have had me laughing for sure!

coopernicus said...

nothing better thqan a kid's perspective on things to keep it real...just awesome....

coopernicus said...

It is best applied with a #5 trowel and lots of bullshit...

Greatest drummer??? Hmmmmm...
BR was an arrogant prick and I do believe that quote is attributed to him...but he did have the fastest wrists on the planet for his time. And Krupa hadn't been so strung out all the time he could have been really great...
So let's break this down...
Greatest Drummer, sub category: Dead - has to be BR
Greatest Drummer - Alive, Rock: (tie) Mike Portnoy, Neil Peart
Greatest Drummer - Alive, Jazz: Antonio Sanchez
Greatest Drummer - Alive, Funk/Jazz: Nat Townsley
Smoothest Recorded Drum solo: Billy Cobham "One Word"
Frenetic yet Rhyhmic Solo: Ian Moseley "Cadenza"
Most Unpretentious Drummer Where One Would Least Expect It - Chris Adler - Lamb of God

I could go on for days...

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VI said...

good....................................................................................................

mg159 said...

But I Cannot Find that in the Bible!
One of the many false charges made against the Catholic Church:

False charge #1. "The Catholic Church and / or the Pope is the 'Whore of Babylon.'

Many non-Catholic books have been written 'proving' that this is what the Bible 'clearly' says!"

Answer to false charge #1. Proving??? Clearly??? I have now donned my Sola Scriptura glasses for a reply using Sola Scriptura believers non-Catholic rules, and first of all, I cannot find the phrase 'whore of Babylon' in the Bible.

Not only that but I cannot find a single reference that says 'Catholic Church' or the word 'Pope' to connect to the non-existent 'whore of Babylon'.

This is irrefutable proof that non-Catholics have a double standard (doublethink*).

When Catholic's make a statement, they are greeted with Sola Scriptura, and nothing else.

End of conversation. However, when non-Catholics make a charge against the Catholic Church like this one, there is no such thing as Sola Scriptura.

They pull these charges out of thin air with not a single thread of proof.

Hypocrisy???

Answers anyone???

7 Make no mistake: God is not mocked, for a person will reap only what he sows,
8 because the one who sows for his flesh will reap corruption from the flesh, but the one who sows for the spirit will reap eternal life from the spirit. (Galatians 6: 7-8)


*Doublethink...! You cannot have it both ways, but some non-Catholic Sola Scriptura believers sure do try.

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